The trite topic of "I've been delinquent in my resolutions in past years but this year will be different - I will be different !" won't be priveleged enough to appear in the ineffable posts of this blog (as, obviously, it is not true - I am never delinquent in anything). However, I will take the opportunity of condescending to celebrate such a useless holiday (to near perfect people like myself, that is. I am sure you all appreciate a holiday designed to promote self-improvement.) by listing what I think are some excellent reccomendations of New Year's resolutions for anyone striving to be as faultless as, well, me:
1) Exercise at minimum 3 hours per week. This one's always a kicker (for the average person, of course). But soon, with determination, you'll be the kicker. -and left, left, left, kick! right, right, right, kick! Come on you pansies: higher! There you go! We're really burning cals now!-
2) Become fluent in Ancient Greek. (Now you won't be saying "it's Greek to me!" in a tone of bewilderment, but a tone of utter confidence, diginity, certainty, and smugness.)
3) Reintroduce yourself to your spiritual side. Check your horoscopes daily. And the Chinese zodiac. (It's year of the dog, for those who are curious.)
4) Resolve to commit to all commitments - such as this and the preceeding three suggestions.
I wish you all luck on your arduous quest to acquire self-efficacy. Really. I know how much that my well-wishing means to you people. So I offer it wholeheartedly. Don't feel intimated or inadequate - I understand completely. I am inspirational, I know. One day, if you persevere and work very, very, very, very, errr.... very hard, you might become an inspiration to some people (albeit, few and far between - still its something, isn't it?).
